ARE YOU A GEAR JUNKIE? Are you that person that when you see Black Diamond come out with a headlamp that make 10 more lumens you throw your fake leather wallet filled with overdrawn plastics and receipts from McDonald’s at that poor underpaid cashier? If you shook your head no but have over 300 dollars worth of gear sitting in the back of your car slowly releasing the aroma of adventure, then you’re a liar. But I have a list of 4 pieces of gear that you’re in need of to complete your unneeded, but much deserved gear locker.
Camping chopsticks with a spork, DO I NEED TO SAY MORE! It comes in a beautiful red or blue metal case so while the rest of your incompetent friends are eating with their pathetic plastic spork, you may show them up like a true upper-class dirtbag with the power of chopsticks. I must warn the people who are unable to perform the task of holding two sticks in a single hand and use those thin wooden objects to lift food into your mouth, these won’t make you magically able to do so. But you can still look classy and just act like your hand is cramping or something so you have to use the spork.
TreePod Hanging Tree House
Just the other day as I casually was sitting there staring at a wild tree I thought to myself, “I just want to be suspended 8 to 12 inches above the ground in a giant neon pod from that branch with a 7 plus inch diameter.” Has such a thing never happened to you? Well if you share my small fantasy you need to look no further than a TreePod Hanging Tree House. With walls surrounding you while you put yourself at the mercy of the cool summer breezes there is SO MUCH ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES! From reading a book to foot crocheting and even reading a book while foot crocheting, you have endless opportunities to do so in a wonderful use of UV and water-resistant nylon, aluminum frame and steel quick link. But I’m sorry to my younger readers, you have to have survived at least 6 years before getting into this floating space egg.
Woolrich Leather Blanket Harness Carrier
This goes out to all of my fabulous GLAMPERS (Glamorous campers if you didn’t know, but if you didn’t know you probably are one, just sayin’.) Finally, people get your problems, they have made a leash and harness for that pesky blanket that just always seems to slip away when you’re not looking. Now you can just wrap that little booger up and slap this rich black belt, I mean blanket harness, on your woolly friend there. And PRESTO your blanket will always stay tossed over your shoulder in a neat rolled up log. This harness will give you the cutting edge feel in that rough outdoorsy look you’ve been competing with your neighbor Becky over.
Selk’Bag 5G Original Wearable Sleeping Bag
No longer will you ever have the need to face the harsh, skin freezing, frost making Maine fall or winter air while you enjoy your favorite backpacking trip with this wearable sleeping bag. No longer will you lay sad and lonely in your Treepod while your mates enjoy a cold one by a fire because you know that walk is going to be stepping into the frozen hell. Now you can lay anywhere warm and cozy while those less worthy of the wearable sleeping bag surround the fire for warmth. No longer will you need a friend to give you a warm embracing hug to help you forget all the awful people in the world like that waiter who served your table the other day and forgot to bring your table ketchup; you ate your fries undressed like a heathen because of that waiter. You can now just wrap yourself in a cocoon of down sleeping bag, while eating a bowl of beef flavored ramen with your Kung Foon in your TreePod with your stylish Leather Blanket Harness neatly wrapping the wool blanket your grandmother gave you.
There you go! Four absolute necessities of gear for your overenthusiastic compulsion to collect. Fill your car with all of these wonderful pieces. All of these items are real and can be bought through the magical web of the internet if you feel the odd urge to buy one, and if you do please tell us all about it in a MLA style 4 page paper with 5 to 6 sources to back up your key reasons – spelling counts.